No one is thinking about a struggling marriage as they walk down the aisle. The realization that your marriage may not be peachy keen anymore is a hard one to accept. If the below signs ring true for you, it may be time to consider getting help through couples counselling in order to rebuild and strengthen your marriage.
You constantly have the same arguments
Arguments aren’t all bad! Research shows that couples who argue in a healthy way can actually foster a stronger relationship than those who don’t. If you’re constantly having the same arguments and it’s starting to feel like groundhog day, there may be a difference in viewpoints or values between you and your partner that’s leading to a struggling marriage. This can lead to resentment, anger, or even worse: complete cutoff of real communication. More on this below.
OR you don’t argue at all
It might sound like a positive thing if there’s no arguing in a relationship, but this can be much worse than disagreements. A lack of arguments can be a sign that you or your partner is failing to communicate their needs. This can leave you both less happy than if you were to talk (or argue) it out. It can also be a sign that you’ve given up. Arguments show that there’s something worth fighting for. Without them, communication often stops altogether and the relationship is doomed. Arguing in a healthy way is about turning towards your partner emotionally rather than blocking them out or pretending everything is fine.
The intimacy is gone
Most married couples have a lot on their plates that can get in the way of intimacy — working long hours, taking care of kids, managing the home and finances. But lack of sex and intimacy isn’t just about the physicality of things. It’s often a sign of a deeper problem that signals missing romance, emotional intimacy, and connection which ultimately leads to a struggling marriage.
You don’t enjoy your time together
Maybe they get on your nerves while you’re together, or maybe you barely speak at all. Whatever the case, a lack of enjoyment in your partner’s presence can be an indicator of a lack of connection. Couples need to actively engage with one another to continue growing the relationship. Without it, things stay stagnant. If you’d rather spend your time apart than together, it’s time to re-examine the relationship.
You fantasize about a life without them
Imagining your life without your partner is like a mental dress rehearsal for divorce. It’s a major sign of the emotional detachment that comes just before physical separation. In fact, many partners do this so the actual separation won’t hurt so much. If the thought of a life without them brings you happiness or relief rather than uneasiness, it’s time to ask yourself whether you’ve fallen out of love.
You’re overcompensating on social media
Do you constantly feel the need to share how amazing and thoughtful your partner is? One study found that the more insecure people felt about their partner’s feelings, the more likely they were to make their relationship visible. The important thing to consider when posting on social media is intention. Do you really want to show off how happy they make you, or is it a way to falsely enhance how things actually are?
You haven’t reached out for help
If these signs describe your relationship, you may be on a path of fallout and disconnection. Some couples see therapy as failure or an indication that they couldn’t figure things out on their own. But you shouldn’t have to — when it comes to couples counselling, it’s better to get a trained, neutral third party to support you through communication and healing. Couples counselling is not failure. It’s the first step to success.
You can turn a struggling marriage around
Leaving a marriage is never an easy decision. If you’re considering divorce, it’s often worth it to get help from a couples counsellor to see if you can find the connection that brought you together in the first place. If it doesn’t work out, getting help will give you the long term peace of mind that you did everything you could. That way, both parties can move on with no ‘what ifs’.
Wellin5 is here to help. We match you to a counsellor who meets your specific needs in as little as 5 minutes. With the support of a counsellor, it’s possible for you and your partner to work things out and bounce back stronger than ever. Get started today.